The Hedgehog's Dilemma

Don't wake me, I'm not dreaming...

Hedgehogs trying to share warmth in cold weather learn to not get too close to each other understanding the pain they may cause. Schopenhauer extrapolated this analogy to human intimacy deriving that we close ourselves off from developing strong connections with others in fear of inevitable mutual harm.

---

I’ve noticed that I’ve long perpetuated this bad habit of self-isolation as a pseudo-survival instinct. Rather now when I do crawl out of my shell I can’t help but be my most authentic self. Small talk is like nails on a chalkboard, I’d much rather dive deep into our peculiar human condition with any and everyone. Through self-conditioning we’ve found it acceptable to wear a mask in public and hide our true thoughts and feelings. I’m slowly removing my rose-colored mask and enjoying the experience of greener grass by being honest with myself. Where do you want to be in 3-5 years? What did you dream of doing when you were a child? When did you give up on those aspirations? Who hurt you? Why does it matter anymore… It’s never too late to start a new life.

I’m admittedly not doing well in the “just friends” department. I either have best friends or simple acquaintances. Which works perfectly fine for me, I tend to not have the social battery required to keep in touch with everyone I meet. Especially since over a year ago I acquired a travel trailer and have been bouncing around the United States making connections everywhere I go. I’ve been thinking a lot lately on the impact we have on others; the way we accumulate traits and habits that previously never belonged to us, and how they assimilate into our personality long after these influences come and go. Our souls are sticky, shedding pieces of who we are onto everyone we meet.

It’s interesting to notice how we grow over the years molting old versions of ourselves to make room for the new accumulations. Yet, humorously everyone we’ve ever known has an imprinted version of who they think we are and applies that bias towards us regardless of how we’ve changed. It’s even harder to recognize that we carry these biases ourselves and must actively fight to be open to the fact that everyone else is going through similar evolutions.

The person who opened my tastes to IPA’s no longer drinks.

The good-hearted man who’s only ever been a positive lighthouse of my life is also the reason I ever smoked a cigarette.

My laze, yet ambitiously talented buddy built the foundation of a steady career solely on relationships and opportunities they never would’ve had access to without my connections.

“It’s not about what you know, It’s about who you know”
~ My Father

The individual that convinced me to buy a trailer and start traveling doesn’t talk to me anymore - whom I desperately wish to share the merriment of these adventures with.

Goodbye’s used to be hard, but now they are commonplace with hopeful neighbors wishing I would stay longer and soured ‘acquaintances’ feeling like I’m abandoning them. I’m sorry we got too close; I knew it would hurt and I did it anyway. I hope this experience inspires you to remove the mask and be your truest self outside of my presence.

Perhaps I’m embracing the wrong side of Schopenhauer’s Hedgehogs?

I've been wrapped up in the Gnostic belief that humans are inherently divine beings; conditioned to forget our true origins. If we are indeed made in the image of God then would we not contain a piece of God within us? Physics tells us that energy can not be created nor destroyed- then what happens to our energy when we die? I believe our soul, consciousness, is God. In other words, I am God; this heretical idea is what put Jesus on the Cross, but in that same breath you are God too. We are the grand experience experiencing itself. An individual puzzle piece implies the existence of the whole puzzle. Some pieces fit together to create beautiful images while others can be more dastardly, yet all are required to see the whole picture.

When I was a young lad, My grandmother taught me to always say goodbye when you’re leaving- as you never know if that is the last time you’ll ever see someone again. Though that is materially true, I believe this isn’t our first and won’t be our last time around. In another place at another time, I’m sure our souls will meet again as strangers in their first encounter. And in that moment we will both have the strangest feeling that we’ve known each other our entire lives.

Is this what it means for The Dreamer to finally wake up?